Onward ho!

Sometimes life can get away like a kite in the wind, that's what it seems like to me anyway.  Plans that you have laid change, morph into something you don't know, but keep stepping forward, like a lemming in some ways, not always understanding the way of it but knowing that it must be this way for now.  Such has been the life, our life now, and it has changed into such a huge surreal creature that i am surprised that i actually like it...love it I think!  Well, it's become what is now our life and our home and now what?  I am writing this because i realize that my father has passed on and we are in another time, another place and in a world that is our own.  I pursue many endeavors, but only follow one, well, i try perhaps.  So this is the new life, the new path and lots of goofs, trips and silly days that i will recall now that we can create, time to more on!

My father

I have neglected this blog for a very long time...very busy with life and making sure dad has the correct place to live, it's all been so very overwhelming indeed.

I left off when I had started a job and Dave stayed home to be care giver for dad.  It was all very daunting to be sure.  We talk about it now and there are e-mails that i may inject at a later time that show just HOW daunting it was!

Our main struggle is that we are still dealing with the VA and Aide and Attendants that we started back in 2014!  I have called and mailed various papers that they said i didn't have in the package, but i think it's only because it was in the WRONG place, but it was there...ARGGG! 

The other things we had to handle was losing the first Power of Attorney that dad had in place due to illness...therefor, i was next in line for it, which i DIDN'T really want to do, but no one else stepped up to say they would. At the beginning it seemed pretty straight forward, get checking accounts in order, (he had 3) keep it simple, pay bills, pay home care ppl, contact anyone who might have borrowed money from his estate and have them start payments...as i dove deeper into POA, i found out that it's all pretty complicated, ESPECIALLY from dad's accounts...but we are managing, it's been pretty rough going for the last 3 years, and i have close friends who would give me the shirt off their backs if i asked, and i just might have to if things don't start falling into place soon!  

Christmas was pretty hard however, i got a call on Christmas eve, 2014 from the larger care home and they said he was rushed to hospital...I can tell you EXACTLY where i was when i heard this news, and was glad that my youngest daughter was driving...Dad spent 2 weeks in the hospital and we visited him often, if not every day.  He had gotten Pneumonia and his heart and blood pressure meds had to be regulated before leaving the hospital.  He was then put into a rehab place to help him get back to "normal" but that was never achieved...after 2 months and finding out that the Rose hills Acute Rehab place was negligent for several things that i finally made a call to the Ombudsman office and reported this horrible place!  Because of his falls and frequent hospital visits, we determined a move to a smaller place was in order.  I called Carol, from Senior care Solutions and she gave me a number to a place that was smaller and they actually had a spot open as well!! He is now in the same place, and on Hospice care, he is frail and can't speak very loud, gets confused when he is trying to form words, it is sad to see him now this way, and yet it has been gradual in my eyes, not so for those who haven't seen him in a few years...I love you dad.

It has been a very long and arduous journey so far! I am greatful that Dave is here now, he helps me get though some of this crazy shit!! Dad has been a handful to say the least, i have tried the best i know how to care for him, but since i am his daughter, he will always see me as a silly little girl who doesn't know nothing!!! :( I know better, but this does not go over well with my hubby, and others i'm sure who see it...I guess i have been blind to the abuse and gotten used to it, so here we are, not being able to get a house, no credit really...and living with my father who is forgetting he forgot! I try and make it fun, try and be happy, TRY to make it work, but it's so hard to be happy when all around me is sadness and confusion, it pains me to be here and see this happen, but what more can i do...I have been on the pc for groups to attend, for both parties, mostly for us. This high level of care giving is not something that can be taken lightly, and i thought i could do it...i though we could do it, but we can't, so here we sit, waiting for me to do something about it all, i wish there were someone who could just whisk me away, but that's a cop-out.

Struggles and Blessings

I have been here for now what, exactly 6 months, it only seems just a little while ago that i got here and saw how sad and skinny my father was, he is now in better heath and gained 10lbs...I am glad, but I also am sad, to see such a strong, hard headed and kind man loose other things in his life that he held so dear...his memory.
I know, we all lose it when we get older, but this is little frangments of his memory that is everyday to us, words for common things, how to do certain things with certain special tools, I can only sit back and just be paitent, and that is hard for me to do.

Dave is still 5,000 miles away and I know it's ok, we have plans to get things moving here in the next 2 months, so I expect him here before Christams, what a present that will be~~!!!!

I am not alone here however and I have my kids and dear friends who have helped me through this to thank, for that i'm deeply touched and love you all, you know who you are~
I will post a few pic's of dad's new adventures, so you can see the progress he has made, if not mentally but physicaly~

Finding dad's marbles

I have arrived here in the USA, it's been a long month, and it's been eye opening and sad at times as well as enlightening and happy. Leah has been a godsend here, she has watched me cry, laugh and sing, but she knows when i am hiding myself behind all the things i find to do around here, which is a lot! So stuff is changing and it's hard to say for the better..but it's ok, it is what's supposed to happen when one comes "home, per se. Weird living with my father after leaving home at 18, getting married, having children, getting divorced, moving to another country, getting remarried and then coming back...they say that we come full circle, well it seems that way atm, but more so with my dad.

Dad needs to find a balance in his life, an anchor in the sea, i guess since I'm the ship, it stands to reason that i have the task, not one that i mind, but it is not going to be easy because he has lost some of his marbles...and one needs ALL of them to live properly and effectively in this jungle of a world! What has been happening in the last few weeks is getting to know each other again, all of us, so it's not just that I have been having lots of emotions from my dad, but also from me and my kids, they have not seen me in so long i was not sure how to act around them, but we got back into the silly rhythm that always made me smile and feel proud! I just miss my Harry to much, i want to see more of him but things are not easy on THAT home front, i will have to work on that one myself a bit more when i have the time:(

Today i was thinking about Leah and the things that dad says when he is out with folks, to make us laugh...Dad and I were sitting down and having lunch at the USAF base where he shops for food, (cheaper there, no tax) and while we were eating a couple sat a few tables across from us and the woman was wearing a large black plastic hoodie coat, well dad comes out and says, "Hey, look that lady is wearing a big plastic rubbish bag on her body" oh man i was trying really hard not to spit out my hot dog that i was eating....it was so funny he knew it too!! wish i had my camera with me i could have taken a photo of it for you!

There is so much i could say but I'll save that for another day, all in all dad is doing OK, but I have to hold his hand lots of the time, and he forgets allot of things, most important things like doctors appointment's and paying his bills, but I have been trying to make it easier for him to deal with things because he tends to have a short fuse at the best of times, I just hope i can come up with some easy things for him to do so he won't want to do those things which he can't.

Birth

I really REALLY wanted to be back for Leah's birthday...And I sit here thinking about the day she was born and how I screamed in the operating room while my sister in law came down the hallway only to turn abruptly around and walk out the door...and SWORE she would NEVER have a child, EVER!!! My dad came to be there as well, and I remember him telling me that when leah was born there was the most beautiful sunrise he has ever seen!! Living in a very flat area at the time, there is nothing like those type of sun rises in the spring!  Holding you, my dear Leah, so cute little, cute and serine, I could not longer see any one or anything in the room, just your cute little face...the one I love and the one that has made me proud and happy to be a mom. Happy Birthday my honey, We will celebrate again when xxhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2010_eruptions_of_Eyjafjallaj%C3%B6kull stops her tantrums:)

You try to pronounce it!!

What is one to feel when a natural disaster thwarts best laid plans?? Living In England as long as I have, there is a saying and it has stuck with me, simple but effective, "Just get on with it". I am sad and it's frustrating and you can go on and on about all the things you are feeling and how you're stuck in this city, this airport or having to stay an extra day with in laws but the outcome is the same, the Volcano Eyjafjallokull is what it is and NO BODY can go anywhere so just chill out and enjoy this time, at the least you can have a few extra days with loved ones or a nice sea side picnic at the stranded destination and think about something else for a change...but No, humans are a weird bunch and i say this with a warm heart and smile at the same time, I can't say I'm any different, but i certainly would enjoy what extra time was given to me to just relax. The weirdness about this whole thing was in my gut I knew something was going to happen the night before...not TO me but something to keep me from getting to my destination...It's not something I can easily explain, it is more like a feeling of NOT being able to see myself with my kids atm...yes i know it's pretty weird, but those of you who know me well know that I'm not making this up. And so here I sit for another week, decided to let the lovely Eyjafjallokull spew out her frustration upon us all, but come Saturday, she better had "gotten on with it" and stop because it's been time to go home!!!!! :)